I still can’t quite believe what happened to me today. I
reached my office and was getting ready to get down from the car when I saw
someone come and stop close to my door. I looked up thinking that it was a
friend or an acquaintance stopping by to say hello. It wasn’t anyone I knew but
a complete stranger and he was just standing there staring at me. I wondered
what he wanted, but since he did not say anything I too did not talk to him and
just got on with my business of getting down from the car, which involves quite
a bit of shifting and lifting and turning. Being gawked at by all and sundry is
nothing new!
Then, as my assistant got my walker out and was unfolding
it, the man grabbed it and started adjusting the locks. The folding walker that
I use has locks that can either be put in or not according to the user’s
convenience. I don’t use the locks because that way it is possible to twist and
turn the walker through narrow passages and doorways and the like. Given the
absolutely unfriendly environment everywhere, this makes negotiating around
easier for me.
I was completely stunned by the man’s action and didn’t know
how to react at first. After a few seconds of speechlessly staring at him
busily fiddling with my walker, I grabbed it back, told him that I don’t use
the locks and started off on my way.
Understanding the culturally ingrained way our society functions
with regard to ‘concern’ and ‘help’ that we offer to others which in some
societies would be considered being too nosey, I normally don’t make too much
of all the assistance that people feel obliged to give whenever they see me
even though at times it may impede me more than help me.
But this total stranger’s behaviour was way too much even by
our standards. I was and still am infuriated. How can you touch another
person’s personal belonging without permission? Would he have done that had I
been a non-disabled person? He acted like my physical impairment meant I had no
brain as well.
Some of you may think that I’m overreacting here. But put
yourself in my place and reflect. How would you feel if someone just grabs
something that is very personal to you and starts playing with it? That too
while completely ignoring you like you don’t exist, as if you’re not someone
who can think and communicate like a human person.
And, by the way, the man was not even an uneducated person and
he clearly knew something about walkers.
I just want to say to everyone out there – please don’t
touch my walker without my permission! My walker is an extension of me, a part
of my body, and just as I hope you wouldn’t touch my flesh and blood body without
my permission, you can’t touch my walker.
And certainly, don’t ever try to change anything in my
walker unless I specifically ask you to. I know what is right for me, so don’t
be so arrogant as to think you know better what is good for me.
This goes for all disabled people and the devices they need
to live their life – wheelchairs, canes, and all other devices needed for
various kinds of disabilities. These devices are absolutely necessary for them
to function and so are extensions of their body. It is very, very personal and
should be respected as such.
While I’m at it, let me also say that it would be so great
if everyone learns to ask if assistance is needed before attempting to assist.
Don’t assume that help is needed just because someone has a disability.
Sometimes it may even prove to be dangerous rather than helpful to the person
you’re trying to assist.
I’m not saying that we don’t need some assistance at times
and it is also nice to know that others around you care enough to want to make
things easier for you, but when people just jump to the conclusion that you
can’t and start pushing, pulling and touching you like you are an inanimate
object, it is degrading.
Interactions would become so much better if it can be remembered
that disabled people are always people first. Our disability should never be an
excuse to patronise or dehumanise us.